Tuesday, August 9, 2016

#DeltaGate Review: A+++++ Would Experience Again

I was lucky enough to be included in the #DeltaGate beta test yesterday, so I thought I should write a review. It’s my way to thank Delta for a truly memorable day!

What is #DeltaGate?

Based on the available evidence, #DeltaGate appears to be Delta’s version of Netflix’s Chaos Monkey, except it starts actual fires instead of terminating VM instances. Usually it is reserved for the most elite of travellers, but in an unprecedented move, Delta gave us mere mortals a glimpse of true luxury.

Delta opened up the beta test at 2:30am on August 8th, 2016 with a bang. Normally they would only set one generator on fire, but in order to handle the load of a wide scale beta, they opted to set all of the generators on fire. I am grateful that Delta truly cares about me, the #DeltaGate beta participant.

Lighting a datacenter on fire normally wouldn’t be a problem, as Delta surely has redundancy across multiple sites. I suspect that Delta wanted so badly for #DeltaGate to be a success that they invented time travel, and travelled back in time to decide against any datacenter redundancy. Thank you Delta, your efforts have not gone unnoticed.

Tarmac Adventure #1

Since I was a small child, I’ve dreamed of spending weeks at a time on the tarmac. Delta dropped the ball, however, and only gave me three hours the first go around :( According to our captain, it was too hot in Las Vegas in August for us to take off, and he was waiting for the wind to be just right so we wouldn’t risk losing an engine.

Apparently the risk of losing an engine was too great, so we returned to the gate at the 3 hour mark at which point a new maintenance issue was discovered. What was this maintenance issue? How long would it take to fix? Nobody knew! This is the beauty of #DeltaGate: everything goes horribly wrong, and everybody just runs around with their hair on fire! (Figurative hair, however, as I don’t think #DeltaGate sets actual people on fire, only equipment.)

Tarmac Adventure #2

At 4:00pm, we boarded the 9:40am flight for another adventure on the tarmac. This time I was certain Delta would let us stay on the tarmac for longer than 3 hours, and they certainly made a valiant effort. This time #DeltaGate struck a baggage tractor on its way to our plane.

deltagate-tractor.jpg

Despite Delta’s best efforts to set everything on fire, we departed after only one more hour on the tarmac. In order to keep everybody happy, Delta decided to leave several Comfort+ seats open, despite passengers queued up on the upgrade list. Thank you, Delta.

upgrade-list.jpg


After a sufficiently bumpy flight, #DeltaGate had one last trick up its sleeve, and we were privileged to a gate delay upon arriving in Atlanta. I’m certain you could have made it worse, Delta, and for that I am disappointed, but you truly made your best effort to set everything on fire with #DeltaGate. I finally arrived at my destination only eight hours late, in one piece, and not on fire.

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